The Drovers Old Time Medicine Show - Prater's Creek Gazette

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Letters to Santa	The Prater's Creek Gazette 16th Issue Winter 2007 Page #5

Dear Santa,

I’ve been a real good boy this year! Can you bring me a Dog the Bounty Hunter action kit complete with mullet wig? I’d also like to go on “Dancing With The Stars” with one of them Kardasian gals! And lots of surprises! I’ll be leaving you an extra big slice of fruit cake and glass of milk on Christmas Eve.

Cousin Ray, The Drovers Old Time Medicine Show

Dear Santa,

I ain’t gonna fill your pipe with a bunch of hooey. I’ve been very, very bad, but I’m gonna give it a shot. I’d like a date with Emma Roberts and Emma Watson! And a new offensive line for the Chicago Bears. And also a new running back! I’ll be leaving you a jug of my finest, and eight tiny ones for your reindeer!

Grandpa, The Drovers Old Time Medicine Show

Dear Santa,

Howdy Santa! I’ve been real, real good this year! Can you bring me Volumes 3 and 4 of the Flatt & Scruggs TV show on DVD? And can you somehow fix it that I will NEVER have to see that doctor and have that done again! See I been so good this year, I was even good during that torture! I’ll be leaving you a rack of ribs and a cold one!

Dalvin, The Drovers Old Time Medicine Show

Dear Santa,

I’ve been a real good boy Santa! I’m even running for president! I wasn’t thinking about this when I started writing this letter to you, but an endorsement from Santa Claus for my presidential bid would be really nice! But what I’m really wanting is one of them political platforms. I went to Lowes and was gonna get the materials to make one, but they didn’t know what one looked like either or what kind of wood you’re supposed to use. Oh yeah, can you bring me a new tuner? My 440 is different from everybody elses’s. I’ll leave you out some cookies and milk!

Uncle Carl, The Drovers Old Time Medicine Show

Dear Santa,

Howdy Santa! I been an extra good girl this year! Can you bring me a video camera and a big ol’ Tootsie roll? And lots of surprises!

Spring Thomas, Prater’s Creek High Head Cheerleader

Dear Santa,

Ah, jeez! You read the papers and I’m sure even all of the radio and TV stations in the North Pole were talking about me and vilifying me last April. Could you bring me a new hat and could you make all of the readers of the Gazette imagine me calling the games for the Prater’s Creek Polecats? I’ll leave you a shot of Jim Beam and a Marlboro.

Don Imus, (recently fired from being the play by play announcer

for Prater’s Creek High School football games on WCCP-AM )

Dear Ol’ St Nick,

I’ve been purty good this year. I did do some chicken thievin’. Santa, what I want is to be able to start making moonshine again. My creators made me stop because of political correctness. Of course, he still let me steal chickens. Go figure. And I wanna thank The Drovers Old Time Medicine Show for singing about that on their song “We’re Still The Drovers”.

Snuffy Smith, The funny papers

Dear Santa,

Can you make sure that my scenes in “Leatherheads” don’t end up on the cutting room floor? I’ll leave you out a coupon on Christmas Eve!

Don Massey

Dear Santa,

Can you make sure Don Massey’s scenes don’t end up on the cutting room floor?! I'll leave you a Budweiser, which as you know, was the only beer Alice Cooper drank!

Jerry “The Rose Always” Bryan