Lifestyles

Dear
Ramona

Dear Ramona,

I have been in love with this young lady for quiet some time now. She said even though she was very flattered, that I was too old for her. She moved away last year. I had not heard from her since the beginning of the year. The other day I got a letter in the mail from her telling me she was married and expecting a child.

Ramona, I’m just heartbroken. I still love her and will never get over her. What should I do? 

Upset on Sunset (Road)

Dear Upset,

Irving O. Tarbox! Good Lord! I know that’s you. You tell me this story every morning at the Six Mile Café. Only thing worse than somebody crying in his or her beer is you crying in my coffee at the diner every morning.

Irving, I wish I was close enough to slap some sense into you boy! I should have smacked some sense into you this morning at the café. It’s time to get over her. It’s way past time. Get on with your life Irving and quit pining away for her. She loves another man and is going to have his baby.

And quit chasing all of the little coeds over at Clemson. You’re 46 years old. Find you somebody your own age. Good gracious! What a maroon!

Ramona

Local Beautician / Former Miss

Polecat Cleared Of Charges

 Linda Mae Smith Holcombe Caldwell Stewart Reynolds was arrested last Thursday afternoon at her beauty parlor. Pickens County Sheriff David Stone said Mrs. Smith Holcombe Caldwell Stewart Reynolds was charged with possession of illegal spirits. “It was just for beauty treatments” Mrs. Smith Holcombe Caldwell Stewart Reynolds told the Gazette. “I rinse the women’s hair in it and use it for beauty masks.”

Mrs. Smith Holcombe Caldwell Stewart Reynolds was taken into custody by IRS agents following a month long investigation. Revenooer Tim Melton said that he also called in Homeland Security agents after observing The Drovers Old Time Medicine Show’s wagon delivering dozens of jugs of a “highly flammable, combustible liquid” to Mrs. Smith Holcombe Caldwell Reynolds’ beauty shop. Homeland Security agent Hugh James said “we sneaked into the beauty parlor and took a jug and had it tested over at a Clemson University lab”.

“So that’s what happened to that jug!” Mrs. Smith Holcombe Caldwell Stewart Reynolds exclaimed. “I got into a big fight with my Aunt Maudie, accusing her of drinking it! Now I owe her a big apology.”

The investigation of the beauty parlor was so top secret that Sheriff Stone knew nothing of it until the Homeland Security and IRS agents brought Mrs. Smith Holcombe Caldwell Stewart Reynolds to the county jail.

“It took some convincin’ on my part to clear Linda Mae, but I finally was able to” Stone told the Gazette. “Agent Melton had met my wife two years ago when he was down here investigating The Drovers Old Time Medicine Show. He saw her last Thursday when she brought us all supper at the jailhouse and he thought I had a new wife. A purtier and younger one at that! Then I told him that Linda Mae’s special beauty treatment had done that.”

“The government dropped the charges against Mrs. Linda Mae Smith Holcombe Caldwell Stewart Reynolds,” a red-faced Melton said. “Yeah, and we ordered 10 jugs for our wives!” added agent James.

Livwright's General Store Closing Is Only Rumor

The rampant rumor that has been running through Prater’s Creek has finally been laid to rest. Todd Livwright, fourth generation owner of Livwright’s General Store, told the Gazette it was all a big misunderstanding. “One day we ran out of our homemade pickled pig’s feet” Mr. Livwright said, “and I ran over to Clemson and bought a big jar of Penrose, store bought, pig’s feet and sat ‘em on my counter. Well, Flossie Jenkins came in and saw ‘em setting on the counter. She told another person, and the rumor spread that I’s bein’ bought out by some chain from up north”.

Mr. Livwright reassured the Gazette that his store will never cave into some big anonymous chain and that if they ever run out of a product again that “we’ll just be out of pig’s feet for a day”.

Volunteer Fire Dept.

To Hold Hog Jowl Dinner

The Prater’s Creek Volunteer Fire Department will hold a hog jowl dinner this Friday night at the fire station on Stewart Gin Road. Plates will be $6 for adults and $4 for children under twelve.

All proceeds will be going towards the purchase of a new fire truck. When asked how much money has been raised for the truck so far, Chief Flint McCalister said “Well, we did have a good bit raised but we lost it all betting on high school lady’s lacrosse”.

Chief McCalister also said his band, Flint and The Flat Tops would perform after the dinner.

On This Day In Prater's Creek History

On this day in 1928 Prater’s Creek History, Red Grange, legendary Hall of Fame running back from the Chicago Bears visited our town to get some elixir for a hurt leg. He also carried back two jugs for George “Papa Bear” Halas.